what am i doing??

so I'm sitting here at work, when I guess I should really be doing something more productive than being on myspace...but oh well...and I realize oct 10 is just around the corner. I have 2.5 weeks till my surgery and at this poing I think I'm more scared than excited. My whole life is about to change, for the better, but yet REALLY change and I'm not quite sure of what to think. Food will no longer be able to be my comfort and my friend. Food will become a way for me to continue to live instead of living to eat, if that makes any sense at all. I AM REALLY SCARED OF THAT TOO!!! As I said in a previous blog I am a food addict and I could go into details about it but its just too much of a scary thought too put all that out on the net. What the hell am I going to do with myself if I can't eat for pleasure?!?! I am very scared of this. I'm scared that I am gonna be a whole new person....I haven't even figured out who I wanna be. I mean I have ideas of what I wanna be like and what I think things will be like for me and how much happier I will be. I wanna be me of course so most of that will not change, but I wont have my fat shell to use as an excuse of why to not do things. I won't have any more excuses for being shy...because thats what i would so oh im fat i cant do that, no im fat they will make fun of me. WHAT THE HELL AM I GETTING MYSELF INTO?!?!