Investing and Blessings

I’ve been thinking about this time last year. I ended my horrible relationship, which ended quite badly as most you know. I started the school year off on a bad foot, was working two jobs, both of which I HATED. My head was a mess!! I wanted to leave and get away and change. I swore up and down that I wouldn’t be working for DPS this year. I swore I would be far away from here. I was doing everything I possibly could to get myself out of NC. I sold my house, downsized my life and was ready it pack it up and leave. I desperately hoped that I could start over somewhere else, start a new life and possibly a new career. Nothing seemed to pan out. I went on a job interview recently and was praying that I got it. Now the school year is starting again and I found myself asking God ‘Ok God, show me why I am still here, tell me why’. I decided that this year I will have a positive attitude and positive thoughts. I thought if I am going to be stuck here I will make the best of it and last week was a really good week! Yesterday in church we started a new series called ‘invest in yourself’, and it seems like its going to be a very interesting discussion. Yesterday’s topic dealt with giving, supporting and sustaining our church community. It gave me a lot to think about. I kept thinking about why I am still in Raleigh and why am I still working for DPS!! Today, I was out walking the bus loop on campus and it freaking hit me!!! Moving and changing my physical location wont matter if I can’t deal with the internal struggles. My business here is not finished yet. I must invest myself in Raleigh and, as much as I hate to say this, in DPS as well. I must invest in my career, in building my skills as an Interpreter, because frankly I have been quite stagnate and comfortable for the past 5 years. I must invest in building new and valuable friendships. I must truly invest in myself, in my church and God. I must open myself up and let people in. I must try harder at work and have a better attitude. I must believe in love and have faith in the future! How do I expect to find love if I don’t believe in it?

Speaking on love…I have been so blessed in my life!! I have the best two parents and sister! Wonderful girl friends who love me and have given me true friendship for so many years! I have two beautiful nieces who adore me. I have my Cheeze ball . . . what more can a girl ask for?!?! I have a job, benefits, a nice apartment, a car that runs. I don’t have everything I want but damn it if I don’t have everything I NEED! I have been blessed with so much that I feel that its my turn to bless those around me. It may not be how I would like to or how one may think. I have been doing things with out expecting anything in return. I am such a huge giver and have such a huge heart that lately I feel like my heart could explode from wanting to love and take care of someone. So I am taking that love and using it to bless the people around me. I recently took a friend of mine to the beach. You may think, well it’s just a trip to the beach? Why is that such a big deal? What does that have anything to do with anything? It was a HUGE deal to him. We had the best time that day, something I think we both needed. I was able to take care of him for that day and that was such a good feeling for me (if anyone who KNOWS me, knows I love taking care of people). Yesterday, he called and said that he would never forget me because of that trip. That he had only been to the beach a few times and he will never forget me for that! A simple trip to the beach and McDonald’s value meal made such a huge impact on him. How crazy to think that the small things we do in life can change someone else’s life!!

Something is stirring inside of me and to quote a line from one of my favorite Train songs ‘Don’t give up on me, I’m about to come alive. I know its been hard and it’s a long time coming, don’t give up on me I’m about to come alive'