Seeing Red

Today I feel angry! I want to punch someone in the face, curse someone out or throw and break something. I know this is something that I got myself into this mess, people warned me.
How could you not even fight for me, you did nothing to show me that you really wanted this. How could you say all those things about everything you wanted but the way you acted was like I was
your last priority I LOVED YOU!!! WHEN NO ONE ELSE BELIEVED IN YOU I WAS THERE!!!! When everyone thought you were trash I still loved you and stood up for you!! You broke every promise you made to me! You strung me along, manipulated me!! Did you even love me at all? Was there anything about our relationship that was real? Anything??? You used me every chance you could get! How you can act like I don't even exist? To act like I am nothing to you and you do it so easily, it blows my mind! It really crushing, after all I did and all I gave.


I had been thinking well what if we could go back in time and have a chance to do it all again, but then I got to thinking that you would still the same person. You haven't yet learned, so nothing would be different. You haven't seen anything that you have done or how you've acted against me. I know this to be true because you once said to me 'Well, it's not like I'm punching you in the face'

I guess its just a waste of time for me to even think of the 'what ifs'. Everything is said and done. I just want the pain to go away. I don't want the constant reminders. The pain I feel is so overwhelming and somedays, like yesterday, I felt like I was drowning. I wake up and go to work, go to my other job and exist in this life. WHat a waste of time this all has been!!!!